Archive for June 23rd, 2011

June 23, 2011

All You Need is Love … Right?

I have a dear, dear friend. Said friend is a hopeless romantic. Over the many years of our friendship, I’ve watched him fall for many a girl. I’ve watched many a girl stomp on his heart. I’ve been there to pick up the pieces, help him put himself back together, and sent him out for the cycle to start all over.

It must be said, there has never been anything romantic between us. At one point, for lack of anything better to do (don’t judge, we were 17 and stupid), we decided to make out. About a minute later we both realized this wasn’t working/felt slightly wrong (much like kissing a sibling would feel), and proceeded to choose a movie to watch instead. We STILL joke about this.

In a little over a week’s time, this lovely friend is getting married. As is true for most of us, this wedding has not come around without struggles. Relationship struggles, family struggles, work and money struggles. This week, while having one of our trademark 1.5 hour conversations (the boy lives 1,300 miles away … sadness), he told me he’d lost his job. Knowing how much the wedding was costing them, his fiancée’s family offered to postpone the wedding until they could figure out the job situation. After much thought, and knowing full well that this new situation was going to cause them to need to scrape and really test their baby family, this offer was declined. We talked for quite a while about what this will mean, and if his fiancée (who is … delicate, and used to being taken care of … to put it nicely) would be able to handle the time it would take for them to get back on their feet, out of wedding debt, and living as they’d hoped to live.

Then he said something extremely profound … and in my opinion, extremely sad:

“I truly believe that if we really love each other, it will work out. I know you’ve heard me say that before and then watched me get destroyed, but that doesn’t make me believe it any less.

Um … wow.

Does it make me a complete cynic that my first reaction was to feel heartbroken for him? I mean, I just don’t know if I can bring myself to really and truly agree. I’ve seen far too many examples of people loving each other but being completely unhealthy for each other, and far too many examples of relationships falling apart due to circumstances beyond either partner’s control to thing that just loving each other is enough.

It feels an awful lot like saying “don’t worry, God will take care of it.” In many situations, emotional ones for example, that can totally be true. But it irks me every time someone says it regarding a job situation. Yes, God can and will help you through the situation. But He’s not going to cause someone to randomly offer you a job when you’re just home sitting on your couch, not having applied anywhere. Those that believe this drive me up the wall with their sheer naivety.

I’m not sure I like what that says about me. Does it make me realistic? Or just cold?  Does it make my friend hopeful? Or delusional? Am I WAY over thinking this?

How do you guys stand on it?