Archive for September 29th, 2011

September 29, 2011

Not Enough What Exactly?

So. Name changing. Quite the conversation happened yesterday about it. It’s a subject that always hits me hard … though, not in the ways you’d expect.

I changed my name, when I got married. For me, it was something I wanted to do. I DID talk to my dad first (my maiden name is very uncommon … as in worldwide, there are less than 200 people with the name) … had he had strong feelings about it, I would have kept it as a second middle name.* I wouldn’t have hyphenated. All this is to say I didn’t think twice about changing my name, and I’m happy I did it. Sarah MarriedLast feels more  like me than Sarah MaidenLast ever did.

When the name change talk comes up, my position is not generally one that’s widely smiled upon. The way it seems to me, I’m not considered feminist … or standing up for myself? … ENOUGH if I didn’t keep my maiden name. I consider this bullshit.

My choice may not have been yours, but damn it, it was MY. CHOICE. And it’s just as valid as the choices of my friends who kept their names, and my friends who hyphenated, and my friends who flat-out came up with a new name. So what is with the pushback? Why is it that even in a community of women who say they are built around a “no judgement zone” there are still an overwhelming majority who will tell you your choice isn’t as good as theirs?

And it’s not just name changing … especially when it comes to weddings. It’s been really hard to watch women who were – while planning – super supportive of everyone around them suddenly be of the “if you don’t do it my way you’re WRONG” mindset.

I had a religious, seated-catered-meal, long-white-gown wedding. With toasts and a cake that looked like a traditional wedding cake. Pretty much as far from “indie” as you can get. But it was our wedding, and it was lovely. Looking down your nose at me because I wasn’t indie enough is not going to win you any fans.

I can’t wait until this starts happening with children.**

I’m never going to understand this whole if-you-disagree-you’re-not-worth-anything mentality.


* Dad did have strong feelings about it … he asked my brother if he wanted kids someday. Brother said yes. Dad was satisfied that the name would continue, and told me not to worry about it. Practical man.

** FEEEEEEEL the sarcasm.