Archive for October 19th, 2011

October 19, 2011

Healing Hands

I know many of you don’t share my faith, but I’m posting anyway. I’m a Christian. On the way home tonight, I was listening to this. And sobbing by the end of it. I feel better now than I have all day.

     When I was young the smallest trick of light
     Could catch my eye
     And life was new and every new day
     I thought that I could fly

     I believed in what I hoped for
     And I hoped for things unseen
     I had wings and dreams could soar
     I just don’t feel like flying anymore

     When the stars threw down their spears
     Watered Heaven with their tears
     Before words were spoken
     Before eternity

     Dear Father, I need you
     Your strength my heart to mend
     I want to fly higher
     Every new day again

     When I was small
     The furthest I could reach was not so high
     And I thought the world was so much smaller
     Feeling that I could fly

     Through distant deeps and skies
     Beyond infinity
     Below the face of Heaven
     He stoops to create me

     Dear Father, I need you
     Your strength my heart to mend
     I want to fly higher
     Every new day again

     Man versus himself
     Man versus machine
     Man versus the world
     Mankind versus me
     The struggles go on
     The wisdom I lack
     The burdens keep piling
     Up on my back
     So hard to breathe
     To take the next step
     The mountain is high
     I wait in the depths
     Yearning for grace
     And hoping for peace
     Dear Lord increase

     Healing hands of God have mercy
     On our unclean souls once again
     Jesus Christ, light of the world
     Burning bright within our hearts forever

     Freedom means love without condition
     Without a beginning or an end
     Here’s my heart, let it be forever Yours
     Only You can make every new day seem so new

– Five Iron Frenzy ,”Every New Day”

 

The version that got me sobbing (I was listening to the recording of their final show):

The record version, sans emotion (and screaming):

 

Have a good night, everyone.

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October 19, 2011

Party of …. 1.5

Who’s the decision maker in your family? Is it both of you? You? Your partner?

At our place, it’s me. I’m the one who makes sure the bills are paid on time. Who makes sure we grocery shop when the pantry/fridge are looking bare. Who tries to plan ahead.

The husband, however, has the bad habit of ignoring my requests for input, or saying “no let me take care of it!” and then postponing as long as he can. It’s like pulling teeth, I swear.

This past week, however, it’s hit the fan.

1. I find a deal for Christmas cards. Knowing better than to call him in the middle of the day, I send him an email “Do you have people to add to our Christmas card list? If so, roughly how many? I found a deal and I want to grab it right away.” He reads the email, doesn’t respond. Also, doesn’t get home until 11pm (school and all). By the time I drag an answer out of him, the deals are sold out.

2. A running blogger I follow has been singing the praises of a certain pair of shorts. Yesterday, they were on sale for HALF PRICE. Knowing we’re broke, I shoot him an email to see if he thinks it’s worth it. I had to re-ask this morning, before work. He said eh, it’s up to me. I try to buy them … and they’re back to full price.

3. I still have not met most of his family. His dad’s siblings and so on could not afford to come to our wedding and, as they mostly live in the Seattle area, it’s not like we have many opportunities to see them. 2 years ago, family drama meant I wasn’t allowed to go to the grand family gathering at Thanksgiving. ::grumbles:: Last year, we were in Columbus with his mom’s family. This year, I was determined to make it to Seattle. Not only did I want to see everyone, this may be one of the last chances for me to meet his rapidly deteriorating grandparents. He said he wanted to talk to his mom and find out the plans. For 3 MONTHS I looked up flights, sent him emails, had conversations with him, pushed him along. I mean, I know he’s busy, but dammit, make the call so we don’t have to spend ALL our funds on flights. This week I look again … and guess what? The flights are officially too expensive. We can’t go, no matter what. And he STILL hasn’t talked to his mom about it.

I’m just so, so done. I’m getting sick of being ignored, or pushed off while he focuses on whatever has his attention at that moment.* I’m sick of missing opportunities because I’m trying to include him in the decisions for our family.

Does this happen to anyone else? Or anything similar? How do you cope with it? How do you fix it? We’ve discussed (and fought about) it so many times … and nothing changes.

It’s giving me a severe case of the sads today.

 

* Ok, that was mean. But really, that’s what it feels like.