Little Pieces Everywhere

So. Name changing. Quite the conversation happened yesterday about it. It’s a subject that always hits me hard … though, not in the ways you’d expect.

I changed my name, when I got married. For me, it was something I wanted to do. I DID talk to my dad first (my maiden name is very uncommon … as in worldwide, there are less than 200 people with the name) … had he had strong feelings about it, I would have kept it as a second middle name.* I wouldn’t have hyphenated. All this is to say I didn’t think twice about changing my name, and I’m happy I did it. Sarah MarriedLast feels more  like me than Sarah MaidenLast ever did.

When the name change talk comes up, my position is not generally one that’s widely smiled upon. The way it seems to me, I’m not considered feminist … or standing up for myself? … ENOUGH if I didn’t keep my maiden name. I consider this bullshit.

My choice may not have been yours, but damn it, it was MY. CHOICE. And it’s just as valid as the choices of my friends who kept their names, and my friends who hyphenated, and my friends who flat-out came up with a new name. So what is with the pushback? Why is it that even in a community of women who say they are built around a “no judgement zone” there are still an overwhelming majority who will tell you your choice isn’t as good as theirs?

And it’s not just name changing … especially when it comes to weddings. It’s been really hard to watch women who were – while planning – super supportive of everyone around them suddenly be of the “if you don’t do it my way you’re WRONG” mindset.

I had a religious, seated-catered-meal, long-white-gown wedding. With toasts and a cake that looked like a traditional wedding cake. Pretty much as far from “indie” as you can get. But it was our wedding, and it was lovely. Looking down your nose at me because I wasn’t indie enough is not going to win you any fans.

I can’t wait until this starts happening with children.**

I’m never going to understand this whole if-you-disagree-you’re-not-worth-anything mentality.

* Dad did have strong feelings about it … he asked my brother if he wanted kids someday. Brother said yes. Dad was satisfied that the name would continue, and told me not to worry about it. Practical man.

** FEEEEEEEL the sarcasm.

Today disappeared in a far too long admin project.

Seriously. 50 copies, collated and bound, of a 35 page document. A 35 page document that was NOT allowing me to print it collated.

Yah, just the collating took 2.5 hours.

It’s being bound now.

This on top of vendor meetings and tenant work.

Somewhere in the main DC office, there is a fleet of 22-year-old admins whining about not having any work.

::headdesk::

I’m stopping and getting margarita fixin’s on the way home tonight. It’s been a long time since I got on a tequila kick. Not sure if this is a good thing, or a bad thing.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Sometimes, just sometimes, I know what I’m talking about.

The husband did not go about this whole college thing very well. He took his time, took extra fun classes instead of the ones he was supposed to take *, and waited untill the VERY LAST SECOND for some rather important things.

This December, God willing, we’re DONE with school. Finally. Barring me going back (which is the plan at some point or other) the whole we’re-a-student-family thing will be DONE. Which means it’s time to get together his graduation petition, right? Due October 1st, no problem.

Um, big problem. He was a class short. A class he’s known about for almost a YEAR. A class we’d talked about all summer and he’d assured me was taken care of. 3 weeks into the semester and only 5 DAYS from the add deadline, he hasn’t attempted to add the class. Of course, the professor said no.

So, we look for other options. Find a class that fits into his schedule and meets the requirements. Professor agrees to add him. Go to the registrar and … nope, sorry, the classroom is at its capacity (Not the class, the classROOM. Fire codes and all.) Petition the correct office to re-assess the capacity. Hear back that they cannot, as the building is not owned by the university. We’ll need to go to the building owner, who will have to go through DCRA.**

Clearly, THAT was not going to happen in the 3 days we had left. Tired and stressed I told him the best solution would be for the prof to open up another section of the class. Then he could sit in on the class, but the registrar would be able to enroll him in the new section. Done and done, right? He looked at me cross-eyed. Apparently I was speaking French, and he was not comprehending a word. He decided to talk to the prof and see what could be done.

Well, last night he got an email. Prof says he’ll enroll husband in an independent study course … graded based on the syllabus for the over-full class. He’ll be required to attend as if he was enrolled in said over-full class. Registrar approves. Husband looks at me and says “wow, that’s a really smart solution!”

I blinked at him.

“Um, that’s EXACTLY what I suggested.”

Never let it be said that I don’t know what I’m doing. College? Professors? Pssh. I learned THAT system YEARS ago.

* His school offers a service they call “Degree Map”. We were looking at it last night. Credits wise, he’s 120% on track for graduation. CLASSES wise, he’s only at 94%. As of today that’ll be 100%, but really … 20% extra?!

** The DC Office of Regulatory Affairs. I deal with them regularly in my line of work. They are the definition of slow.

You know, I’m not often disappointed in APW. It happens occasionally, but not often.

Today, though, I am.

I know that sentiment may be unpopular, but hear me out.

In today’s post we have a woman who has trouble with calling her partner “husband”.* For her, the word invokes the old stereotypical husband and wife roles, and she wants no part in it. No problem, that’s fair.

The problem I have is in the resolution of the issue. We just won’t use the word husband! See? Problem solved!

Except that the name of the damn site is RECLAIMING Wife. The intro flat-out says “we’ve talked a lot on APW about making, and not making, that word our own”. So, why are we reclaiming WIFE, but abandoning HUSBAND?

It just … cheapens the whole thing for me.  For all of the effort to really make “wife” into something we’re comfortable with and even proud of, we just throw away husband? Why is it any less worthy of reclaiming, reestablishing, reshaping into something worth keeping around?

To have the same women who comment so hard on making “wife” what they want it to be chiming in with “Yah! Me, too! What’s with that stupid word anyway?!” just irks me beyond belief.

Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but this whole “I’m only going to fight for it if it’s about ME” attitude really pisses me off.

* This is not a rant at the post author. She doesn’t like wife either, and that is totally fair. This rant is about everything else, NOT HER. Promise. =)

** File this under “Rawr Rawr Rawr, Get Off My Lawn!”

What, you guys thought I’d leave you hanging with the reunion drama?

In the last month, a new reunion has been put together. For October. At the local Dave & Busters … also known as the place people hung out at while we were IN high school. On the plus side, this makes it local for many many many of the people who will be attending. And it’s signifcantly cheaper. On them minus side … well, you guys have read enough of my opinion on this to figure out the minuses. =)

The latest drama is the freaking payment. YET AGAIN the organizer (totally different girl this time) use her own money to put down a non-refundable deposit. Then took RSVPs, but not payments. Now, she’s trying to collect money. Let’s just say, it’s not going well.

From the past week:

Hey everyone, only a few days left to send in your payment, we haven’t received payment from half of the RSVPs, in order to get this show on the road.. We need those payments!! Keep sending them in, hope u see EVERYONE on October 22!!

It’s [name removed] here, and I wanted to write you all because I want to let you all know, we have worked really hard at getting this reunion organized, nice, and fun. We listened to all of you to change the date, changed the entire reunion committee, and changed the venue to make it local. We even made sure all of you gave your RSVP’s before we put our deposits down, to get the excitement rolling again!! Now do something for us and pay!

Hey everyone: If you are in some sort of financial trouble and you cannot go anymore, please let us know…our money is on the line too, and the longer we wait, more money of ours is down the drain, which honestly, is not fair to us. Please let us know. Thank you!! 🙂